"KSHANTI"

I feel so annoyed tonight. Some people whom my friends and I have helped were quick to accept our generosity. Upon getting what they wanted, however, these individuals have turned around and spit right in our faces; and in my gorgeous face, particularly, 3 times! As a responsible adult with good ethics, I'm more than astounded by such immaturity and lack of gratitude.

When I give, I do so unconditionally and never expect anything in return. All I wanted was for respect to be shown to those loving people who have supported and believed in the cause. It’s so much easier for them to be on the receiving side, but I’ve witnessed how much effort and kindness were granted by the givers. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I have become nice to a fault because of my Buddhism practice. Toxic vampires can usually smell compassion from miles away and are fast to go suck on that good energy.

I must remind myself on a daily basis that I am not yet a Buddha, a Bodhisattva, and or a Saint. I have my limits and must draw the line in order to keep my own cup full. This tragic incident had somewhat scarred me, and made me not want risk anything for anyone again! But then I reassured myself that part of being Zen is to embrace all of life's obstacles, for every failure or struggle has its own precious gift. For me, this has been an invaluable lesson on charitable giving.

The Zen saying "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear" couldn't be anymore accurate. For the past month or so, I have been trying to practice "Nhẫn" (Vietnamese) or "Kshanti" (Sankrit for patience, forbearance and forgiveness) because I'd been quite impatient and unforgiving for most of my life. I'd figured that if I could master such great virtues, I would be able to accomplish great things in the future. This disgrace had peculiarly allowed me to taste, feel and live authentic "Kshanti". Their ungratefulness showed me the need to be more patient; their rudeness forced me to be enduring, and their immaturity taught me to be forgiving. As an optimistic Sagittarius who believes in basic human goodness, I won't allow one rotten apple to spoil the whole barrel. I will continue to do my good deeds and encourage others to do the same because life isn’t about getting and having, it’s about giving and being. Without "Kshanti", however, it is virtually impossible to be both Selfless and Sane.